Cloudy in Beijing Blogging about my time in China

Hard times

Earlier this week I spoke with a former student of mine from my days of teaching English in Xi'an. Her name is Catherine and we spoke over instant message, relaying how things had been going with each of us.

She had just been coming off from an overly long holiday. Since Sept 21, her university had been closed due to an outbreak of swine flu; about 15 students had been infected. But Catherine said that wasn't as bad as the so-called "needle incident," in which Xi'an has had reports of people being attacked by needles.

"For the God sake I didn't suffer that horrible thing," she said.

In talking with Catherine, I also  finally found out whether she had passed the CET-6 test, one of China's standardized English exams for college students. During my time in Xi'an, my main duty as a teacher was to help all my students pass it. But I felt especially responsible for my good students, who worked hard and wanted to excel.

Catherine was one of these students. When I had left Xi'an, she had already failed the CET-6 test once, and had just taken it again. I had hoped my teaching would have pushed her over the hump, so I always wondered how she did, but was too afraid to ask. Yet  midway into our conversation she brought it up.

"Everything goes well for me," she said. "except i didn't pass the CET again."

It was sad news to hear. And she was so close too.

"It's ridiculous that the cutline was 425 and i got 424," Catherine said. "That's the thing really frustrated me."

She told me she isn't so sure if she wants to take it again. As her former teacher, I tried to lift her spirits, but I couldn't help but feel it was an empty gesture.

To change the subject I asked Catherine to help me on my Chinese homework. "Thanks teacher Catherine," I later wrote to her.

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This week has been tough. After five consecutive days of classes, I feel pretty burned out and overwhelmed. This weekend I have three essays I need to write, along with a bunch of vocab I need to memorize.

As for journalism, it's been rough too. I'm hitting walls in trying to get interviews and have been  strapped for time due to school. Rather than being outside exploring, I've mainly sat in my dorm room, my hands full of work.

I've only been here a month now, so I'm hoping my days will balance out better as the weeks go on. But as I think of this so-called "China experience", I've also noticed how harder my life has become.

Thing seem to pan out less, like in the case of Catherine. All that work as a teacher back in Xi'an, and yet I still couldn't quite help one of my best students pass a test. Now I'm struggling to write articles that probably would have been a cakewalk had I written them in the States.

I just have to soldier on. A few days ago I learned this ancient Chinese saying in one of my classes:

谋事在人， 成事在天

Taken literally, it can mean that there are certain things a person can control. Yet in the end, it is the heavens that decides all.

But my Chinese teacher put it another way: you should always do your best, even as things might not work out.

I'd much rather believe the latter.