Cloudy in Beijing Blogging about my time in China

Relationships

Well, I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later — I found romance in Xi’an.

I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it just happened. Too bad it’s already over after only lasting a few days.

She was my good friend who I met earlier this year. But last weekend we admitted our mutually affection for each other.

How relationships exactly work in China has been a mystery to me (as well as a lot of other things). At this point I can say that they aren’t a whole lot different from how they work in America: girl wants commitment, but guy fears it.

Or in my case, the guy doesn’t feel it’s realistic since he’s going to be leaving Xi’an soon, and heading for Beijing. I had to be honest.

This is what ended my short relationship with her.

“You shouldn’t have liked me. You are selfish,” she said to me a few days ago. We then agreed not to see each other again.

It’s regrettable. I lost a friend.

As I’ve said before, it seems like everyone expects that I find a girlfriend in China. (Some people even assume that I want to settle down here and start a family.)

But part of me is hesitant to pursue a relationship here. I don’t know how long I want to stay in this country, and I have no idea what the future will hold. If I did have a relationship, commitment is something I could never totally give.

“Which one do you love more: your career or love?” my friend had asked me jokingly before. “You only love your career,” she added.

Now the fallout with my friend has made it more clear to me the difficulties of having a romantic relationship here. As for my friend, she wants to stay in Xi’an, and hopes to get married within the next two years.

“This (relationship) could never happen,” she said to me.

About a week ago, I was telling her about how I like both America and China. “There are advantages to being a part of both countries,” I said.

“But you can only choose one,” she replied.

Oh well.