Cloudy in Beijing Blogging about my time in China

Pretending

Every once in a while I’ll see one of my foreign neighbors on the street. I want to say “hi,” but often times they’ll just pass me by, without even glancing at me.

It’s easy to miss someone on the street. But I wonder if it’s because I’m a Chinese-American. Maybe I just blend in better.

When I first moved in, there was one girl in particular I’d see on the sidewalks. I must have waved at her at least three or four times on separate occasions. And yet, she didn’t even look at me once.

“Why don’t you say hi to me?” was the awkward question I wanted to ask.

Oh well. But I don’t really blend in that much.

There’s a local convenience store I go to every morning, that’s just down the street. One of the clerks there knows I’m a foreigner (maybe it’s my accent or just the way I look). So whenever I buy something, he’ll put up his fingers and sign to me how much it all costs.

I know he’s being courteous. But I sort of want to say to him: “Come on, I’m Chinese, and I speak Mandarin. You don’t have to put up the fingers.”

It can be funny occupying this strange middle ground of my Chinese-American identity. When I go to a certain book store here, saleswomen will come up to me and ask in Mandarin: “Are you interested in studying English at our school? You can learn a lot.”

I’m not quite sure how to react. Should I just unleash my English and perfectly say, “No, I’m American and I teach English. But thanks for asking. Heheheh...” and then happily grin?

Nah. I just usually say in Chinese, “????” or “I’m not interested.”

Makes me feel like I’m pretending to be Chinese, if that makes any sense.