Cloudy in Beijing Blogging about my time in China

Thanks, but no thanks

Early in 2008, when I was thinking about coming to China, I wanted to go to Beijing or Shanghai.

My thought-process was that these are the two largest cities in the country, with the most opportunities, especially in terms of writing. At the same time, my mom was encouraging me to go to Taiwan. With some of my family already there, it would be more convenient and safer.

Now that I look back, I'm glad I didn't end up in any of these places.

During my time in these three cities I've felt like I completely extracted myself from a part of China I had grown used to. I saw the new China and was frankly a little bored by it, the differences with America, being minimal. Now I understand why some locals and foreigners dread this coming modernization.

It seems like a stroke of luck that I came to Xi'an of all places. The Olympics and the new policy on visas were preventing me from finding a job in the country. I posted a resume for a teaching job on a website. The school contacted me, and then things started rolling.

Lately I've been stressing about where to go after my teaching contract in Xi'an is over at the end of June. My chief goal during this long winter vacation has been to try and find the answer, thinking Beijing or Shanghai might be the right place for me. Now, I don't know. A new friend of mind recently told me, "Only idiots go to Beijing and Shanghai for vacation. They don't represent China."

She was right. I remember the train ride I took from Shanghai to get back to Xi'an. Outside in the window, I saw farm after farm, the land nearly barren, the air dry, and the trees with their bleak and vein-like branches. I wondered, what is it like here?

I want to stay in China, but other than that, I have no idea. The question seems to borderline "what should I do with my life?" sort of question. Didn't I come here to be a journalist? Often I forget.