Cloudy in Beijing Blogging about my time in China

Teaching Blues

Today I had a class, and one student couldn't reply to any of my questions. The questions were easy, especially this one.

"How often do you watch movies?" I asked.

The student said nothing.

I asked again. All he did in response was give me a blank stare, like he was in trouble. "Every week? Every day?" I said. Nothing, just a weary stare back. Part of me just wish he'd say something, any English word would do. I wish it were just shyness, but after trying to talk with the student some more it was clear, he just didn't know how to say it. His English was not good.

"It's okay, good job," I said, forcing a smile and trying to hide my disappointment, my disappointment in myself.

I've been teaching my students for almost three months. And yet I find that some aren't improving at all. Boy, do I feel like a crappy teacher.

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I'm trying my hardest. Maybe too hard. Sometimes I find myself up past midnight still preparing a lesson plan. A week ago I spent a day and half working on a lesson about the environment, only to watch it all bomb when I try to teach it. Boring faces is all I saw during that class. I suppose its the same feeling when comedians meet a tough crowd, only that you feel your soul die a little; I'm not kidding. Back to the drawing board.

I wish I could do more. But there are three problems with my classes, which I cannot control.

1. Classes are too big. Most are around 40, a few in the 50s, although some students will often skip.
2. Classes don't mean often enough. Just once every two weeks. In college, I wasn't meeting with my language teachers at least twice a week.
3. Classes aren't organized by their language skill level. As a result, all my classes have the advanced students, and those who can barely pull a simple sentence together.

It's rough. Students will forget entirely what they had learned in the previous lesson; none of my students also seem to ever take notes. Some students will think the lesson too easy, others too hard, all in the same class. And then, due to large class sizes, I hardly have any chances to interact with every the student.

It doesn't help that more and more students seem to be skipping my English class. The reasons: English is too hard, they're too afraid to speak out in class; they rather do something else; basically I suck.

It's heartbreaking.

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I wish I had more time. Then I could spend time with individual students who need more help. But altogether I teach more than 400 students in total. I remember trying to grade the first homework assignment: write a diary for me. I ended up coming back home with huge stacks of papers all lying about my apartment. I still haven't gotten through them all.

Lately, every Wednesday or Thursday I'm finding myself spending my evening at my school's English Corner.

English Corners are basically an after school activity, where students come together and practice their English together. My school has two different English Corners, run by separate student groups. I come to just help out with things, but there have been times where I feel like I'm teaching the activity. I come out tired, looking forward to bicycle ride back home.

I wish there were an easier way to teach language. But then I look at myself. I've spent my whole life learning Chinese and still, it's not there. Oh well. Even though some of my students seem to be giving up, the teacher can't. Not ever.